Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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