I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
