Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
