i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
