Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
