Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
