My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
