You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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