C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
