I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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