I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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