420 ftw
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
