I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
