i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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