That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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