Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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