I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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