I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
