My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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