also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
