Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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