when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
