Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
