Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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