some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
