smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
