Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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