I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
