fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
