Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
