Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
