He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
