Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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