So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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