Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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