Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When did angry sex become our thing?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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