If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize