Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You ruined the universe
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
