I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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