If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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