just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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