i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
