I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
