I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
