I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
