Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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