Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
