she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
