hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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