im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
