do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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