Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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