as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
