I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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