Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
