Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
