The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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