I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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