she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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