omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
