I'm gonna have a badass scar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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