I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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