y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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