I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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