Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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