Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
