the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
