Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
