Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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