my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
