Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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