WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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