youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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