I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
