i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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