Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
